Thoughts. Somewhat somber, yet important. To me anyways.
-I should get started on finishing this essay. -I suddenly feel empty. -Aaron? Dancing? At prom? This should be interesting. Haha. -Party bus. Three people had to get cut from the bus. That sucks. I just know I didn’t get cut, so okay. -Marco? On the party bus? This smells like trouble, haha. -I will follow my dreams. I know from time to time, I always feel like giving up. I’ll feel like dropping out and picking something else to follow. Those feelings fade away, but the feeling of wanting needing to pursue film is a constant feeling. I don’t mind if I have to support myself. I don’t mind if my mom and two aunts are the only ones in my family who support me. I have a lot of friends who think I can do it. I’ll do it. -I read all of my yearbook messages so far. I didn’t cry…YET. I got choked up though. -I know a lot of lovely people. The truth is, is that in high school, I can work my hardest and put all the effort in the world to be friends with someone. Most of the time we’ll stay friends. That’s in high school though. In college, I’ll be distanced from people. People here, people there, people everywhere. No matter how hard I try, a friendship after high school will only stay strong if the effort is made from two people. We’ll see what happens. I’d like to stay friends with everyone, but I know that probably won’t be the reality. -Brannen. Rannen. Something like that. He’s really quiet. Quieter than me. I MADE A NEW FRIEND! I feel so bad though. I already forgot his name -_-. We’ll see how names go on Saturday, haha. -Prom is this Friday. Now that I think about it…we should definitely play Friday by Rebecca Black on the party bus. It totally fits the occasion. Partyin partyin YEAH! -LAKDSHG KLSGHDSKL GHKLDH GKLSHGLDSH GLHDSLG HLGKHL I NEED TO DO THAT FUCKING ESSAY NOW -_-. Stop avoiding it Karl…
-Fierce. Fierce. Fierce. -It’s all in the HANDS. Teach me how to do hands someone. -Procrastination <3. Best friends for life! -I’ll be getting to the homework I should have done a while ago now. It’s easy though! It’ll take me a few minutes. -I don’t understand how girls can walk around in heels. Props for being able to work those shoes. -New games on my iTouch. They’re very distracting as well. -Today was supposed to be homework day, but it was all just one big distraction. -Misunderstandings galore. Okay then. -etc.etc.etc.
It's alright then Karl (: Im anonymous because I don't have a tumblr. Thank you though!!(:
Oh. Well this is awkward. It’d still be nice to know who this is T_T. Oh well! You’re welcome. What video did you mean by the way?! If it’s the end of the year video, then I can meet you up at school during lunch or something and you can watch it.
-Why is this anonymous? I’d be more willing to post it up if it wasn’t. I mean a member can always ask the EX-HISTORIAN about all things PAPIA related. I’m guessing this is a member. -If you mean the Banquet Video as in the End of the Year video…I don’t have it with me. I gave the DVD to Annjanette and Deaj, and currently it’s within their possession. I’d have to get it from the computers from school, and then you’d have to wait till like Wednesday or Thursday till I post it up. Or you could ask them if you could see it. SORRY >_<… -If you don’t mean the end of the year video, and you mean a video of the entire banquet, then I don’t have that either. I didn’t film it. I couldn’t, I hosted, and I couldn’t arrange anyone to film it for me.
Anyways. Sorry to upset you. I don’t have any video to share or post up for anyone right now.
-Food cravings fulfilled. -I wish I had one of those lime slurpees from 7/11 though. I like them. I had one the other day. I liked it. No one else in the family liked it so cool! More for me. -Gonna watch my shows the rest of the night. Homework tomorrow! Buddha hanging out for a little. He’s gonna be around for a while.
-Woke up. -BACON FOR BREAKFAST! -Went to Plaza and Aunt Grace went shopping. JC Penny. Victoria’s Secret. Target. -Saw Chans at Victoria’s Secret. I think it was the weirdest place to discuss our role at PAPIA Banquet tonight, but whatever. Haha. -Dropped of Auntie at the trolley station. Went home. Got ready for PAPIA Banquet. -Drove to PAPIA Banquet. We went to the wrong golf club. I didn’t realize how many golf clubs there were near our house. -Finally made it to Banquet. Everyone was setting up. -Went with Swain to get the tinikling sticks. THEY WEREN’T IN HIS ROOM D:?! I swear the last time we practiced tinikling we put them in his room. Leann remembers that too. I don’t know where they were. I hope they’re all safely back in Van Dusen’s room. -Replaced tinikling with GMC. Gabe, Marc, and Chaz. -Prayed with Chans. -We started Banquet. -Banquet. Banquet. Banquet. -Montage. -Deaj ended banquet. -Sat in the corner resting while watching people leave and dance on the dance floor. I think Deaj said it was her uncle that was dancing low key. I know that man wanted to dance. He was all over the sides just grooving the whole part of the dance, haha. Deaj and I for host next year? She said. Haha. -Talked with Marco. I love Marco. I’m gonna miss him. I promised him and Leann that I’d dance at prom since I didn’t dance tonight. -The boys tried to ambush me. Gabe, Chris and a lot of other guys. They did this at the same time I needed to make a call so they all followed me outside. Awkward. Deaj and Denise were outside talking. Pushed them all back inside. -Talked with numerous other members. Wished people a goodnight as they left. -Chans’ mom picked us up. Wow. WE’RE PRETTY MUCH NEIGHBORS! That’s Kevin Belisario. Jayson Aban. Chans Valdez. Those three people have lived nearby for like forever. Especially Jayson. I keep finding people who live close to me. It’s a shame though, because I’m graduating and I just now found out Chans lives super close to me. Haha. -Home. Gonna eat. I didn’t really eat at banquet. Today was a stressful, but good day. Blessed with a good banquet. YAY! 5th annual banquet…is over! See everyone in action next year!
I hate Uncle. This physical, emotional, and mental agony is just too much.
Today was the last straw. Discussing Ima’s medical condition. Today’s family meeting between the older crowd. I wasn’t a part of it, but shoot…they weren’t that quiet to begin with. They were mostly shouting.
Why did I get stuck with a job I did not sign up for? I have to find some way to get out of their demands. If there’s one thing I know how to do well, it’s how to get out of doing work.
I have made a decision though. After community college, or maybe after I turn 18, I am going to move out. For sure. It’s a long time from now, but I need out of this family and out of San Diego. I love it and all, but shit. As long as that man is alive, I don’t want to be in a 100 mile radius of him. I’m willing to go off on my own. I’ll find a way to survive. I’ll get a place of my own. I’ll work all day to pay rent. I just cannot be in the same vicinity of that man. I’ll live with family elsewhere. As long as he is alive, he’ll just keep manipulating people to his desires. Defiance does nothing. Rebel and be destroyed. That man uses his money and his ability to manipulate to just…ugh. He’s pure evil. This all sounds ridiculous from an outsider’s point of view, but if someone else just knew. Well, everyone in the family can feel the pressure his presence gives off. Just if someone outside of the family knew.
Whatever. In a few months, a year or two. I’m out.
-Woke up and for once I didn’t feel tired. Usually I always feel like going to sleep, but when I woke up today, I stayed wide awake. -Went to guitar. Turns out I wasn’t late today! COOL! Actually I was the first person there. -Aeris and Aldrick. Aeris is being held back because of his brother…I think so. He needs to be learning better stuff now. Something more difficult. -2nd hour of guitar. Casual talk with Alyssa. New kid Jayhar. This kid is like a little me! I hope he sticks around for a while. Haha. -Chinese take out with Ma. Good stuff. -Went to the 7/11. Got slurpees for Sis and I. I like the lime flavor! Ma and Sis didn’t like it though. -Came home. Gave Sis her slurpee. -Chilling. Waiting till 2pm and then BUDDHA! Hanging out with Buddha for 2 hours and then he has to leave. Hopefully we get to hang out again on Monday. I’ve went two years without his hugs. He gives the best hugs.
-Gonna get yelled at in guitar because the piece I finished…I kind of forgot a little, haha. I’m not gonna try and remember it. It’s whatever. I can get it again. It’s just like the last 8 bars that I forgot. If you saw how long the actual piece is, then 8 bars is nothing. Even if the song wasn’t so long, 8 bars is nothing. -I need to do my own thing and get away from family. I want to be more independent and on my own. I don’t know how soon I can do that. I want to move out soon. At least after college. I was thinking about living in LA. I love LA. Kuya Wesley, Kuya Nelson, Ate Irene, etc. Just tired of family here. Tired of SD. -Buddha is now officially in town. Alex picked him up at LAX a few hours ago. I only get to see Buddha a little today. Monday is gonna be fun though. If things go well anyways. EXCITED. -I really want a dog. -Maybe this isn’t the right thing to pursue. Feeling like giving it up again. I’m not good enough anyways. -I’ll keep caring until you give me a reason not to. That’s a promise. That makes me a fool, but it’s a promise. -Drama drama drama. Here I thought certain people were friends, and it turns out they’re not. Gossip is like food. It’s tasty, but exhausting if you’ve had too much of it. It’s just what people say though. I want to get the real story from the people it involves. -MB is a mystery to me. I’m blessed to have gotten the chance to meet him though. Such a nice person. A humble person. -Danny Thomas. Classified Bro. I think I’ll cook for him and Cleve one last time. Well I don’t think it’ll be the last time, but one last time before we graduate. -Why are so many bromies moving to SF for college T_T…I’m gonna miss them all…ESPECIALLY RAYMOND! D: -etc. etc. etc.